Check on a Friend
If someone you love is withdrawn, distant or down, don’t shy away. It may feel awkward, but starting a conversation is the first step towards getting help.
Warning Signs
These are feelings and behaviors we all experience, but having one or more over a long period of time could be a warning sign:
What It Can Look Like
Eating or Sleeping
too much or too little
Pulling
Away
from people and usual activities
Yelling or Fighting
with family and friends
Inability to do Tasks
such as getting to work or school
Mood Swings
that impact relationships
What It Can Feel Like
Low Energy
or Numbness
Hopeless or Helpless
Confused or Forgetful
On Edge
or Angry
Upset or
Worried
Starting a Conversation
You don’t need special training to have an open, authentic conversation about mental health. Just talking about it can be the first step in helping someone get support or treatment.
Conversation Guide
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Let people know you're willing to talk about mental health by being open about your own:
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“I’ve had times in my life when I’ve struggled. I went to talk to someone, and it really helped me.”
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Trust your gut if you think someone’s having a hard time, and speak to them privately. Express care and observe what you've noticed:
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“I care about you and I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. I’m wondering how you’re doing.”
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Let them know you get it, and that it’s okay and normal to struggle in response to life’s challenges:
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“I’ve been through things in my life, too, and I’ve often found that talking about it helps. Whatever it is, I’m here to listen and support you."
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The other person might worry that sharing how they feel will be a burden to others. In your own words, tell them:
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“I care about you, so I want to be there for you. I get that life is complex. I’m here to listen and support you."
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If you suspect the other person might be more comfortable talking with someone else, you can offer to help connect them:
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“Is talking to me about this helping you right now? Or is there someone else you’d feel more comfortable with?"
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End the conversation by letting them know you are grateful for the chance to connect on a deeper level with them. Remind them that we all have challenges, and that you’ll continue to be there for them. It's not your responsibility to make sure they find help, but you can include that getting help from a mental health professional can truly make a difference.
Talking About Suicide
It's a common misconception that bringing up the topic of suicide will put the idea in someone's head, but research shows the opposite is true. Talking openly builds connection and can help lead to a suicide-prevention plan.
1. Find a private place.
Unless it is an emergency, find a place and time to maximize privacy.
3. Ask directly if they've thought
about suicide.
Simply ask, "Have you had thoughts about suicide?"
5. Listen and validate.
Don't dismiss their feelings or try to cheer them up. Instead, say something like: "That sounds really difficult. I'm so glad you told me. Let's keep talking."
7. Don't promise to keep it a secret.
Your loved one needs professional support. They might be upset in the short term, but you need to do what's best for them in the long term.
2. Express your concern and desire to help.
Be specific: "I'm worried because I noticed you [insert details]. How can I help you through this?"
4. Stay calm if they say yes.
Listen calmly to what they have to say, and ask follow-up questions to figure out how you can help.
6. Say you want to connect them with help.
You can say: "I know there are confidential hotlines with trained counselors you can talk to. Can I stay with you while you text one?"
8. Get immediate help if they are unsafe.
If they are in distress, stay with them until you get help. Call or text 988 together, or if there is immediate risk, call 911 or drive them to the ER.
Other Resources
Find these conversation guides and other tools to help you check on a loved one: